What NCIS Has Taught Me:


Rule #1: Never let Gibbs go without his coffee

Rule #2: Never sweeten Gibbs’ coffee.

Rule #3: Never call Gibbs ‘Jethro’ (Rule doesn’t apply to Ducky or Director Sheppard)

Rule #4: Never get Ziva angry.

Rule # 5: Don’t read Probie’s book.

Rule #6: Don’t sleep with cute Asian chicks. (This rule excludes Palmer)

Rule #7: Don’t let Ziva drive.

Rule #8: Don’t trust Israelis. (Excluding  Ziva )

Rule #9: .Don’t say ‘Fore’ when Ducky’s holding a Nibblick (nine-iron)

Rule #10: Always carry a knife

Rule #11: Don’t lick DiNozzo. (This rule excludes Ziva. She can lick him all she wants.)

Rule #12: Never date a co-worker.

Rule #13: Never call Abby ‘Abigail’. (This rule excludes Ducky)

Rule #14: There’s no such thing as “coincidence”.

Rule #15: Don’t drink Gibbs’ soup.

Rule #16: .Don’t let the car get stolen.

Rule #17: Guilty until proven innocent

Rule #18: Don’t let Probie see blood.

Rule #19: Don’t leave your bleach tray in.

Rule # 20: Vomit does count as evidence.

Rule #21: Don’t bring up Serbia.

Rule #22: Gibbs-smacking is applicable in all situations.

Rule #23: Don’t miss “campfires” .

Rule #24: The plasma screen is Tony’s toy. (Except when Gibbs is around)

Rule #25: Don’t sit at Gibbs’ desk.

Rule #26: Abby needs Caf-Pow to function.

Rule #27:  Abby doesn’t fart; Bert does.

Rule #28: Never leave Abby alone with O.T.T.O

Rule #29: Never let Probie go searching for mp3 files inside an AI car.

Rule #30: Don’t piss Ducky off.

Rule #31: Don’t eavesdrop on Gibbs.

Rule #32: Don’t call Gibbs while he’s in interrogation.

Rule #33: When dressing up as a Jamaican folk singer, don’t sing everything you say. (This means you, Tony)

Rule #34: When dressing up as a Jamaican folk singer, avoid dogs. (Again, meaning you Tony)

Rule # 35: Don’t play ‘grab ass’ in front of Gibbs.

Rule #36: When going undercover, always be honest. You make money that way. (Right, Tony?)

Rule #37: Don’t talk about Gibbs’ family.

Rule # 38: When you need information on antiques, ask Probie.

Rule #39: Always carry an extra clip.

Rule #40: Never let Gibbs go without his coffee (yes, it’s that important)

Rule #41: The director’s door is to be treated as a door. (This rule excludes Gibbs)

Rule #42: Never talk about Gibbs and the director having sex.

Rule #43: When caught in an awkward moment, never try to make jokes.

Rule #44: Never strike a federal officer. (This rule excludes Gibbs)

Rule #45: Don’t ask questions.

Rule #46: Always read the manual. (This excludes Abby. She’s so smart, she doesn‘t need a manual.)

Rule #47: Never dress up as Marilyn Munroe for Halloween. You will get gawked at.

Rule #48: Always keep your phone charged.

Rule #49: Don’t miss happy hour at the Pub.

Rule #50: When some one is in a coma, pull the plug. (This rule excludes Gibbs)

Rule #51:  Never leave Tony in charge. (It goes to his head)

Rule #52:  When opening a letter that’s Sealed With A Kiss, never let Tony open it.

Rule #53: Don’t let Gibbs flirt with hot suspects when Kate’s around.

Rule #54: Don’t ask Kate where her tattoos are.